Well, the first blog, should be dated 24th August....
now its 29th August and its been an "interesting" week so far!
firstly "other guy" wasnt particularly happy about not seeing me on Tuesday night, but quite frankly I dont care - he was getting too possessive anyway so even if Wedding Guy hadnt come along, I think it would have ended up fizzling out sooner rather than later as I didnt like the way he was demanding and seeming to "own" me!
Now for the good bit :o)
2nd date on Wednesday with Wedding Guy (yep, bored with typing that now, he's WG from now on) I went over to his village and we went out for a meal. It went really well, too well, far too well actually, so much so that I have butterflies in my stomach constantly, keep staring at my phone willing it to ring and am typing a blog instead of working!
I'm off my food (and so is he!) and my head is reeling. I cant believe that I can feel this intensely about someone after only 2 dates, is that possible???
What to do?? We had such a great evening, loads of chat, loads of laughs, loads of snogs, just general good time....apart from neither of us finishing our meal, good job I was a "cheap date" (he'll understand that one!). All of my mates are astonished as they've never seen me like this. I wasn't able to eat at all yesterday until I got back to mums and she forced me to eat a chicken breast(which isnt a bad thing to be honest, could do with dropping a couple of pounds!!)
When we got back to his flat, it was incredible! And no, I'm not just talking about sex (!!) Everything about this man is great. He is funny, good looking, kind, has a smile to melt even the hardest of hearts, considerate, a gentleman, sexy, has a great body, has fabulously sparkly eyes to go with his smile.....the list as you can tell is endless. Oh yes, and finally, probably the thing that will make all the ladies realise just how great he is - he has a "thing" about people leaving the toilet seat up!!! YEP, A MAN THAT ALWAYS PUTS THE LID DOWN!!!! Really, I ask you, what more could a girl want?
But, after 2 dates? I've got to be careful - I have a feeling this man is going to turn my life upside down.....
I went back to my mums last night and just laid on my bed thinking about everything....and yes, picturing what would happen if I walked away from my house, walked away from the guy at home despite everything....YES, I know - everyone is screaming at me "but its only been 2 dates!!!"
I told my mum last night that the thunderbolt had well and truly hit me. She just said what any mum would "be careful"
So, Friday morning is here, its 129 hours til I see him again (yes, you read it right, I am counting down the hours....) how on earth can I stop wishing my life away? Maybe next week he will say or do something that will make me realise he is just a man after all....maybe he will do something that will bring me back down to earth with a bump.....maybe he will just continue to be as fabulous as he has been already???
I've been told by the guy whose wedding it was that WG is a lovely guy and when the groom's dad introduced me to WG, he said that he was a really genuine person that he would always want to know and be able to call on....
So, the weekend is beckoning, I'll be heading back home from London tonight and the train will rumble straight past WG's place and beyond....luckily enough am out tomorrow night with my GBF who will no doubt put things into perspective, there's nothing like a gay guys perspective on things - he can be quite brutal at times!
Well, I've just re-read all of the above again before posting - dont I sound like a rambling teenager?????
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Sunday, 24 August 2008
damn....
Saturday 24th August 2008
...why oh why oh why??
One day things in my life will be straightforward, until then I'll just carry on bumbling through I guess.
I'm 41 years old, never been married, but have been engaged a couple of times. I've been in mainly long term relationships with a couple of years of "sowing my wild oats" in between (which was great fun and maybe one day I'll get round to sharing some of those stories on here!)
At the moment I am sharing a house with a guy, that was my fiance, but we split up last year, then sort of drifted back in together, but never managed to have "the talk" and get our relationship back on track....even though we do still own a house together and share a bed, literally for sleeping!! I'm not wearing my engagement ring ....and he hasnt asked me to put it back on. We are more like brother and sister who just happen to share the same living space. He shows me no affection on the days when we are actually here together, but we do talk and are good friends and to be honest I think we will always be friends, just dont think we will ever be back together! He seems to be more affectionate when I'm not here and I get calls all the time asking how I am and have the occasional "I miss you, when are you coming home" call - but when I do come home, nothing is ever different. If I want a hug I have to ask for one - it is a one way street emotionally! And as for the physical side......forget it!!
I should explain that 2 years ago he had a minor stroke, although you wouldnt know it if you ever met him. It clearly affected him and he was the one that instigated the split last year as he said "I cant give you the loving you need". This was true, but as I told him when he said that it was only 9 months after his stroke and we'd been together long enough and been through enough for it to not matter in the short term. So I moved out as that was what he wanted.
But, I moved back into the house after 3 months as I was continuing to pay my share of the bills and he was reaping the benefits of living in my lovely house whilst I stayed in a single room at my parents. I work in London during the week and he works nights at weekends, so we hardly see each other anyway. Therefore I moved back in on the basis that we were just sharing the house. 2 months after moving back in he had a flash of inspiration and decided that he did love me after all, things changed for about a month!!! Now things are back to me being basically house-keeper!
We've been through so much over the last 11 years, not only his stroke but also major surgery and about 3 near death experiences through various illnesses. So, its kind of difficult to just walk away.....
BUT! I've been seeing someone from work on a casual basis for the last month or so - he seems to think there is a bit more to our "relationship" than a bit of fun and is expecting to see me at least once a week for an overnight visit and getting grumpy if I dont! I've got a few other guys that are interested which is great for the ego as you can imagine, especially bearing in mind what is going on at home!
HOWEVER! I went on a date with a guy last week, we met at a friends wedding, but not until the very end so managed to exchange numbers and actually got on a date this week. Here is where the problem starts...... I really like this guy (yep, even after just one date!) So much so that I told him about my home situation from the off (not the full gory details, but enough) and also about the other guys......it didnt seem to put him off and we had a fabulous date. Lots of talking, lots of snogging and lots of laughs. He made me feel like a teenager again - I hadnt been on a date for soooo long!
So now, I cant get this guy out of my head and it seems he's feeling the same - I know its ridiculous after 1 date especially bearing in mind all that is going on elsewhere in my life.
So what next?
Well, I'm supposed to be seeing the "other guy" on Tuesday, he's expecting me to go to his house, but I'm not going to - I'm going to suggest just drinks and tell him I want to step away from the "relationship" but still stay friends. He's in the middle of a fairly messy break up with his wife, so doesnt need another girl hurting him and although he knows about my home situation, I think he thinks there could be more for us in the future......which there wont, so its best I nip it in the bud now, especially seeing as we work in the same office!
Then, on Wednesday I have another date with the wedding guy - and I cant wait :o)
We are going out for a meal close to where he lives. I know we will have a fabulous time and I know that we will actually spend the night together, but strangely enough I actually hope that we dont do anything. Ridiculous as I know that I want to but ..... he's different!
The main reason for writing this blog is for the wedding guy - just in case anything does actually happen, I want him to know that right from the off I was trying to get my life in order. We had a couple of conversations last night when he was out with the lads and as he was a bit drunk he said things that he probably wouldnt have if he was sober. He kept apologising for calling me when he was drunk - but I was quite flattered that he was out on a boys night out and all he could think about was texting and calling me.....I dont understand girls that get annoyed when their boyfriends call them from a night out - they should be happy that all their men want to do is talk to them instead of chatting up other women!! Anyway, I'm going off at a tangent as usual....
Well, thats the opening blog written, hopefully I'll remember to come in and update it to tell you all how I'm feeling.
...why oh why oh why??
One day things in my life will be straightforward, until then I'll just carry on bumbling through I guess.
I'm 41 years old, never been married, but have been engaged a couple of times. I've been in mainly long term relationships with a couple of years of "sowing my wild oats" in between (which was great fun and maybe one day I'll get round to sharing some of those stories on here!)
At the moment I am sharing a house with a guy, that was my fiance, but we split up last year, then sort of drifted back in together, but never managed to have "the talk" and get our relationship back on track....even though we do still own a house together and share a bed, literally for sleeping!! I'm not wearing my engagement ring ....and he hasnt asked me to put it back on. We are more like brother and sister who just happen to share the same living space. He shows me no affection on the days when we are actually here together, but we do talk and are good friends and to be honest I think we will always be friends, just dont think we will ever be back together! He seems to be more affectionate when I'm not here and I get calls all the time asking how I am and have the occasional "I miss you, when are you coming home" call - but when I do come home, nothing is ever different. If I want a hug I have to ask for one - it is a one way street emotionally! And as for the physical side......forget it!!
I should explain that 2 years ago he had a minor stroke, although you wouldnt know it if you ever met him. It clearly affected him and he was the one that instigated the split last year as he said "I cant give you the loving you need". This was true, but as I told him when he said that it was only 9 months after his stroke and we'd been together long enough and been through enough for it to not matter in the short term. So I moved out as that was what he wanted.
But, I moved back into the house after 3 months as I was continuing to pay my share of the bills and he was reaping the benefits of living in my lovely house whilst I stayed in a single room at my parents. I work in London during the week and he works nights at weekends, so we hardly see each other anyway. Therefore I moved back in on the basis that we were just sharing the house. 2 months after moving back in he had a flash of inspiration and decided that he did love me after all, things changed for about a month!!! Now things are back to me being basically house-keeper!
We've been through so much over the last 11 years, not only his stroke but also major surgery and about 3 near death experiences through various illnesses. So, its kind of difficult to just walk away.....
BUT! I've been seeing someone from work on a casual basis for the last month or so - he seems to think there is a bit more to our "relationship" than a bit of fun and is expecting to see me at least once a week for an overnight visit and getting grumpy if I dont! I've got a few other guys that are interested which is great for the ego as you can imagine, especially bearing in mind what is going on at home!
HOWEVER! I went on a date with a guy last week, we met at a friends wedding, but not until the very end so managed to exchange numbers and actually got on a date this week. Here is where the problem starts...... I really like this guy (yep, even after just one date!) So much so that I told him about my home situation from the off (not the full gory details, but enough) and also about the other guys......it didnt seem to put him off and we had a fabulous date. Lots of talking, lots of snogging and lots of laughs. He made me feel like a teenager again - I hadnt been on a date for soooo long!
So now, I cant get this guy out of my head and it seems he's feeling the same - I know its ridiculous after 1 date especially bearing in mind all that is going on elsewhere in my life.
So what next?
Well, I'm supposed to be seeing the "other guy" on Tuesday, he's expecting me to go to his house, but I'm not going to - I'm going to suggest just drinks and tell him I want to step away from the "relationship" but still stay friends. He's in the middle of a fairly messy break up with his wife, so doesnt need another girl hurting him and although he knows about my home situation, I think he thinks there could be more for us in the future......which there wont, so its best I nip it in the bud now, especially seeing as we work in the same office!
Then, on Wednesday I have another date with the wedding guy - and I cant wait :o)
We are going out for a meal close to where he lives. I know we will have a fabulous time and I know that we will actually spend the night together, but strangely enough I actually hope that we dont do anything. Ridiculous as I know that I want to but ..... he's different!
The main reason for writing this blog is for the wedding guy - just in case anything does actually happen, I want him to know that right from the off I was trying to get my life in order. We had a couple of conversations last night when he was out with the lads and as he was a bit drunk he said things that he probably wouldnt have if he was sober. He kept apologising for calling me when he was drunk - but I was quite flattered that he was out on a boys night out and all he could think about was texting and calling me.....I dont understand girls that get annoyed when their boyfriends call them from a night out - they should be happy that all their men want to do is talk to them instead of chatting up other women!! Anyway, I'm going off at a tangent as usual....
Well, thats the opening blog written, hopefully I'll remember to come in and update it to tell you all how I'm feeling.
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